Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize