I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
