Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
