Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
