my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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