I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize