after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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