i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
