Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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