Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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