if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We had to coat check the pizza.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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