before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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