tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
