If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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