Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
