he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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