If i come over, it means nothing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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