I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
