____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
