walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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