I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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