honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So vagazzling was a success
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
