so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
