He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
