Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
