I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
