I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
