so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
