watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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