Rock
Scissors
Fuck
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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