he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
