If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
