I can tuck mytits in my pants
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
