Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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