his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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