I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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