are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
