i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
