I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
