I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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