I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
