I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
