at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
