Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
