I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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