Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
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It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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