best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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