We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
