its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
