is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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