i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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