6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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