"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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