hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
