Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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