oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
