bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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