My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
