I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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