it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
