why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
