Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I supernannyed him into submission
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
