At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Vodka?
Forever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
