you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
