Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
