She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She even gives head with a lisp.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
